By Rabbi Martin Rosenfeld

At the recent JOFA conference, a keynote address by Professor Tova Hartman addressed the need to take “to the streets” in order to find a solution for the plight of the Agunah .(Agunah is applied to a woman still “tied” to her husband, who refuses to grant her the Jewish writ of divorce known as “Get”).  It is not clear to me what this means and how it can lead to finding a solution to this heart-rending status.  The Jewish community loses when lines of communication are broken down.  There needs to be more dialogue between the rabbinic and lay communities, not less.  A message that we need to take “to the streets” can understandably be taken to mean that the rabbinic establishment is not sufficiently sensitive to the needs of the Agunah.  In point of fact, the rabbinic concern with Agunah goes back to the Talmud itself, where the search for legal leniency was pronounced to be of paramount importance.  During the Holocaust period, scores of rabbinic Courts were organized to deal, painstakingly, with case after case of such deliberations.  It is not unreasonable to estimate that thousands of lenient rulings were issued from that rabbinic involvement and concern.  It is neither wise nor productive to shun or belittle the value of engaging the rabbinic community in meaningful dialogue.  It is unlikely that “the streets” is the best forum for such conversation.

I will return to the issue of seeking meaningful proposals for Agunah.  However, I believe that we need to look at, and address, behaviors that inevitably lead to marital discord and rupture.  We do not need to refer to statistics to establish the obvious; i.e. Jewish divorce rates are rising, marital discord is no longer uncommon in the Jewish household, and bitter divorce battles are becoming more commonplace.  There is much we can do as a community to address some of these trends.  Our task is multi-faceted.  We need to discuss strategies that can strengthen marriage, reduce the stress in the Jewish home, and eradicate the behaviors that lead to the Agunah status.  I would like to present, in outline form, some concrete proposals for review and discussion,

1. A number of communities have introduced classes which teach more effective communication skills to prospective couples.  These efforts, often referred to by such names as “Chupah Project”, are led by mental health professionals, with the input of rabbinic leaders.  (A good model of a productive interface between rabbinic and lay communities.)  These group sessions offer a safe haven to discuss potential challenges to healthy communication and problem-solving.  Community resources, and when such services are needed, are likewise explored.  In Orthodox communities, pre-marital classes are offered, where the primary goal of studying the laws of Family Purity is enhanced by discussions on communication, sensitivity, and mutual-respect.  Such efforts need to be more widespread and accessible, so that more young couples can ponder their marital roles and responsibilities.  Schools too should examine their curricula to determine where  classes on effective communication and relationships may be relevant and meaningful.

1. A pre-nuptial form that effectively deals with the granting of a Get, has been  developed by Rabbi Mordechai Willig of Yeshiva University.  Many rabbis have elected to require that such a form be completed as a pre-requisite to their involvement in the wedding ceremony.  A discussion about the pre-nuptial form, coupled with a rabbinic pre-marital conference, is again an effective means of discussing issues that impact on marital bliss, within a controlled, personalized, environment.  Rabbi Yona Reiss, of the Beth Din of America, has been quoted as stating that no Get has ever been withheld in a situation where the couple had agreed to be bound by the “rabbinic” pre-nuptial agreement.

1. The State of New Jersey recently joined the growing list of states which recognize No-Fault Divorce.  Jewish tradition accepts the premise that marriage need not be maintained when the parties feel that their incompatibility no longer makes the marriage a viable reality.  For this reason, it is rare for a Beth Din to inquire of grounds for divorce before authorizing the writing of a Get.  The process of divorce has unfortunately become protracted, bitter, and needlessly confrontational.  In recent years, Divorce Mediation has presented an alternative model where the couple, and their mediator(s), communicate productively in order to produce an agreement that is equitable and civil.  Many web sites offer information on the mediation process.  They should be reviewed and considered by those who wish to end their marriage with dignity and mutual respect.  Mediation can be helpful before divorce is contemplated.  Here too we find an example of where one’s rabbi or mental health professional (or both) can provide a valuable service.

1. There are many rabbinic Courts in the Metropolitan NY area.  They do not all share the same qualifications and standards.  Virtually all established rabbinic Courts have permanent Administrators who establish appointments, interview applicants, and enforce standards.  Meetings between Administrators and communal activists should take place on a frequent basis for an exchange of information, suggestions, and opinions.  There should be a central registry where those who have experienced Beth Din proceedings can record their impressions or suggestions for the benefit of others.  Women should be encouraged to arrive at the male-dominated proceedings with a female companion or advisor.  Women who have experienced the Beth Din proceeding should be available to assist others who may need the benefit of their experiences to help them prepare for their own hearing before the Beth Din.

1. Communal activists need to interface with rabbinic leaders on a regular basis to share concerns and proposals. Meetings between activists, and their respective organizations, also need to be commonplace.  A JOFA official made a telling comment before the recent conference to the effect that Agunah sessions are not usually well-attended.  At some point in time, passion in a given issue tends to wane.  Those active in this area need to arouse the Jewish community to heightened involvement and dialogue.

1. At the heart of the Agunah issue, lies the recalcitrant husband.  How does one convince the inattentive spouse to grant a Get rather than use it as a bargaining chip or club?  Again, there is no substitute for real dialogue.  We need surrogates who will engage the uncooperative spouse.  They will need to listen and engage him (or her) in dialogue to soften positions that have long hardened.  At the same time, these surrogates will need to deliver the communal message of zero tolerance for unlawful behavior.  If communication cannot succeed, there needs to be a communal outcry.  For those who improperly refrain from cooperation (how to determine that is for another discussion) there needs to be decisive and effective communal reaction.  Such individuals should be shunned by communal organizations and individuals.  They should not be invited to communal meetings nor should they hold positions of honor.  They should be denied honors in synagogue and the opportunity to lead services, be called to the Torah, etc.  These individuals need to be identified publicly so that the full brunt of communal censure be felt.  (An approach to this issue was recently penned by a NY attorney, Joseph Rackman.)

The suggestions outlined here are only a brief sketch of what we need to address as a community.  The topic merits much discussion and debate.  In this regard, we need to be mindful of the teaching of Rabbi Tarfon: “The work is not yours to complete, but neither are you free to withdraw from it.” (Avot 2:20)

Rabbi Martin Rosenfeld, a former pulpit rabbi, practices law and Divorce Mediation in Fair Lawn, NJ.